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How to Know That You Have a Crush on Someone (And What to do Next)
So, you've recently been spending a large amount of time with someone new and you can't help but wonder, “Do I like this person?” If you can't decipher whether or not you truly have a crush on someone or now, we can help.
Having a crush on someone is one of the best – and worst – feelings you can have. You get all giddy and excited to be around them, yet you're constantly worrying about if they have a crush on you back.
In order to truly discover if you have a crush on someone, you'll have to pay close attention to what you do, how you act, and even what you say about them. But if you want to know quickly, just follow some of these signs that you have a crush on someone.
- You get butterflies in your stomach when you know you're about to see them.
Have you ever been around them and felt like your stomach was doing backflips every time they looked your way? This is a huge indicator that you have a crush on them. Butterflies are actually your body's way of telling you that this person has a huge affect on you.
- You fix your hair/makeup/clothes when they come around.
When you have a crush on someone, you usually spend a lot of time making sure you look attractive so they will look at you more and think you're cute. If you notice that you're double checking yourself in the mirror when you know they'll be around, you could have a crush on them.
- You laugh more than usual at their jokes.
It's been proven that we always think the people we like are funnier than everyone else – even if they're not very funny at all. A big sign that you have a crush on someone is if you're constantly laughing at their jokes even when they wouldn't normally be very funny to you.
- You get jealous when it looks like they might like someone else.
Jealousy is probably the biggest indication that you have a crush on someone. If you don't care about someone in that way, you wouldn't get jealous when they spend extra time with someone else, right? So this might mean you're crushing on them hard.
- They're always on your mind.
Even when you're engulfed in a new, exciting movie and their face keeps popping up in your head, this is a sign that you have a crush on them. We often find it really hard to STOP thinking about someone that we recently started liking. So if you just can't seem to stop thinking about them no matter what you try, you probably have a big crush on them.
- You imagine yourself on a date with them.
If your daydreams mostly consist of them asking you out on a date and then going on a date with them and ending the night in a passionate kiss, then you have a crush on them. You wouldn't normally daydream like that about someone who you didn't like in that way. So this is a huge sign that you feel for them more than as just a friend.
- You notice specific features about them – and like all of them.
Have you noticed how many freckles they have on their nose versus the rest of their face? Have you noticed the little bits of green that seem to pop out of their otherwise bright blue eyes? Or maybe you even noticed that they have patches of their hair that's light than the rest. All of these are signs that you have a crush on someone. When you pay close attention to their appearance like this, you like them.
What to – and not to – do Next
So, you have just discovered that you do, in fact, have a crush on someone, but what do you do next? Here are some tips on what you should do next and what you should NOT do when you find out you have a crush on someone.
Do
- Decide if you want to date them.
You can certainly have crushes on people that you won't ever or don't even want to even date. Crushes can be mild and fade away with time or you can feel deeply about them and want to take things to the next step. Your job now is to decide which category this new crush falls under before you can truly move on with the next steps in this process.
- Figure out if they like you back.
There's really no point in going for someone when you know that they don't even like you back at all. You'll have to do some digging and follow certain signs that indicate that they also like you and have been crushing on you for a while. Some signs may not be as obvious as others, but if you spend enough time with them you will uncover their feelings eventually.
- Show them that you like them.
Even if you can see that you have a crush on them, they might not know it. Either they just can't tell at all or you're doing such a great job of hiding it that they would never think you'd like them. You have to show them you're interested before you can even begin to think about dating them. Who knows? They might like you but don't show it because they're afraid you don't like them.
- Spend more and more time with them.
In order to find out if they like you and even get them to like you too, you have to spend more time with them. And by spend more time with them, I mean spend more ALONE time with them. You have to be alone with jus the two of you to really decipher if you are a good match together.
- Ask them out.
After all of that, if you still have a crush on them and really want to take it a step further, just ask them out! I know it can be intimidating and rather scary, but if you win in the end and they say yes, then all of the nerves and butterflies will certainly be well worth it. The best way to do this is to just outright tell them that you think they're great and would love to go on a date with them, then leave the ball in their court.
NOT Do
- Don't get nervous.
Nervousness will almost always ruin anything good. Being nervous is a natural instinct that we feel when our emotions are running high about something. The best thing you can do to calm your nerves is to take a few deep breaths and imagine the situation going in your favor. Being nervous also shields them from getting to know the real you – something you really want them to see in this situation.
- Don't try to be something you're not.
No matter what type of person your crush is into, you have to be yourself. Pretending to be someone else will only hurt you both in the end. While it's perfectly fine to discover what hobbies he likes and adopt them and learn about them in order to have something to talk about, you should never go so far as to lie and say that you like something you don't or that you know about something that you've never even heard of. Eventually they'll be able to see right through you and they will NOT be happy about it.
- Don't be desperate or try too hard.
It's really easy to start coming off as desperate when we first discover that we have a crush on someone. We try to spend all the time we can with them and this can even come off as clingy and like you're trying too hard. Your best bet with this is to avoid coming on too strong. Give them some time, take some time for yourself, and take things slowly. My advice is to always let someone miss your presence so much that they want to make the plans with you.
- Don't jump to conclusions so quickly.
When we have a crush on someone, it's easy to have our views skewed too much. We start making up these scenarios in our heads and decide that they MUST like us because they said hi to us that one day last week. Keep your mind in the right place so you don't ruin something before it has even begun. To do this, tell a few friends to help you uncover how your crush feels before you make all the decisions yourself. Since they don't like them, you'll have a better opinion about what's really happening.
Having a crush can be a confusing, but wonderful thing. If you're wondering if you have a crush and what you should do about it, this will help you. Do you have someone you think you might have a crush on? Tell us all about it below!
Check Out These Examples of the Four Tendencies in Movies, TV Shows, & Books. Send More Examples!
Yes, I continue to be obsessed with the Four Tendencies framework I created.
Just last night, at a dinner party, I expounded on my theory to both dinner partners, separately (one Upholder, one Questioner). Am I becoming a bore? Perhaps.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, you can find out here whether you're an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel.
One of my favorite things has been to gather mottoes for the Four Tendencies. So many hilarious, brilliant ones! (If you want a mug with your Tendency and its motto, you can buy one here.)
Now I'm collecting movies, novels, and TV shows that illustrate the Four Tendencies. And I need your help. I have many examples, but I want more. Please send your suggestions - especially for Rebel. I'm surprised that I don't have lots of fictional examples of Rebels, but so far, I don't.
Upholder:
The Harry Potter series by J. K. Rowling - Hermione is a textbook Upholder. She constantly (and annoyingly) reminds Harry and Ron about the regulations and laws of the magical world, she never falls behind on her homework, and she becomes very anxious when anyone breaks a law or even a school rule. Nevertheless, when she becomes convinced that official expectations are unjust, she crusades against them, even in the face of others' indifference or outright disapproval, as she did in her campaign to improve the poor treatment of house-elves. In her final year at Hogwarts, she quits school and opposes the Ministry of Magic in order to fight the evil Voldemort.
The Bridge on the River Kwai - The character of Lieutenant Colonel Nicholson (Alec Guiness) is a magnificent portrait of an Upholder, with all the strengths and terrible weaknesses that accompany the Tendency.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer - A thoughtful reader wrote to me to say that she thought Buffy from the TV series Buffy the Vampire Slayer was an Upholder- but shockingly, I've never watched that show, so I don't have a view myself. What do you think? Is Buffy an obvious Upholder?
Game of Thrones series - When Lord Stannis Baratheon and his men were besieged during war, they were saved when infamous smuggler Davos Seaworth brought supplies through the blockade. After the war, Stannis knighted Davos for his act-but he didn't forgive Davos's earlier crimes; he enforced the law by chopping off the tips of the fingers on the outlaw's left hand. Later, when his older brother King Robert Baratheon dies, Stannis believes the crown should pass to him, as the next-oldest male in line. So he fights to assume his rightful place, and sacrifices everything he values along the way-even though he doesn't even seem to want to be king. (I'm going by the TV show here; I haven't read the books in a while.)
Questioner:
Parks and Recreation - Ron Swanson (Rick Offerman) is an outstanding example of a Questioner. He willingly upholds rules and expectations that he thinks makes sense-such as gun licensing laws-but ignores rules that seem unjustified-such as the building codes for his woodworking shop.
The X-Files - I haven't watched the series in a long time, but I think I'm correct in remembering that Mulder and Scully are both Questioners, right?
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte- Jane Eyre is a Questioner. In fact, on the very first page of the book, Jane's hateful aunt Mrs. Reed literally calls her “Questioner” to explain why she finds Jane annoying: “Jane, I don't like cavillers or questioners.” (I had to look up “caviller”; it means “one who quibbles.”)
Obliger:
It's a Wonderful Life - George Bailey (James Stewart) is an Obliger who, at every juncture, meets outer expectations but not inner expectations. The movie shows both the risks and the rewards of the Obliger path. Note that when George finally drops into Obliger-rebellion, it's aimed at himself, as so often happens with Obliger-rebellion. It makes me sad to reflect that most Obligers don't have a Clarence to help them.
Before Midnight - Céline (Julie Delpy) expresses Obliger frustration and is shown progressing into full Obliger-rebellion.
27 Dresses - Obliger Jane (Katherine Heigl) satisfies everyone's expectations, until her deceitful sister Tess pushes her too hard, and she rebels with a dramatic, destructive, ugly gesture (spoiler alert: it involves a wedding slide show). When her best friend Casey questions her actions, Jane defends herself, saying, “You're the one who is always telling me to stand up for myself!” Casey answers, “Yeah. But that's not what you did. What you did was unleash twenty years of repressed feelings in one night.” Yup. That's Obliger-rebellion.
Rebel:
Mansfield Park by Jane Austen - Lady Bertram is a thorough Rebel; she's also a good example of how Rebels may appear proper and conventional - until closer consideration reveals that they do only what they want to do.
Do you have any examples to add? Do you disagree with any of my categorizations?
It's funny to me that I, as an Upholder, have lots of examples of Upholders, and the fewest examples of the Rebel Tendency, which is the opposite of the Upholder Tendency. I'm sure there's a lesson in that. So suggest more examples!
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